Ruler of my heart

Goddam I love hamburgers. 100% beef. No funny stuff just beef beef beef. The best quality you can get hold of.

Shape it in your hand, handling it as little as possible, add salt and pepper and then fry it. Toast the (sesame seed) buns, add ketchup to the bottom bun. Whilst the burger is finishing lay on the cheapest, crappist, most manufactured cheese you can get your hands on (Dairly Lee is good) so it melts onto the meat, add crisp smoked bacon (Oscar Mayer is excellent for this. Tastes like bacon did back when we was kids. God knows what additives they use to achieve this), pile on iceberg (no fancy leaves), spread sweet Yankee mustard (or Scandinavian; nicer) on the top half of the bun, mount it, squash it down a bit and then try and shove at least 1/3 in to your mouth in one go.

Double fry homemade chips in groundnut oil to go with it and you will probably get what you (really) want for Christmas.