Ruler of my heart

Goddam I love hamburgers. 100% beef. No funny stuff just beef beef beef. The best quality you can get hold of.

Shape it in your hand, handling it as little as possible, add salt and pepper and then fry it. Toast the (sesame seed) buns, add ketchup to the bottom bun. Whilst the burger is finishing lay on the cheapest, crappist, most manufactured cheese you can get your hands on (Dairly Lee is good) so it melts onto the meat, add crisp smoked bacon (Oscar Mayer is excellent for this. Tastes like bacon did back when we was kids. God knows what additives they use to achieve this), pile on iceberg (no fancy leaves), spread sweet Yankee mustard (or Scandinavian; nicer) on the top half of the bun, mount it, squash it down a bit and then try and shove at least 1/3 in to your mouth in one go.

Double fry homemade chips in groundnut oil to go with it and you will probably get what you (really) want for Christmas.

Did you ever.....

......see anything quite so beautiful as this little mother?

This is one of the new crop potatoes that make living in Ibiza just that little bit......more. Aint got a goddam clue what they are called and dont care. I call them Ibiza Red Potatoes. You may call the them what ever the eff you like. Except Ibiza Red Potatoes, which I have already claimed.

These mothers are heaven in a tuber. Scrape away their just forming outer skin to reveal its pink membrane. Boil it with a bit 'o' salt, leave it to cool, crush it with a fork, add too much olive oil, further salt, mix it good, lean your head back and pour it in. Man, oh man.

How I generally like to dine